And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
