we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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