i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
