im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
