I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
