i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
