Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
