ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
