I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
