The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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