my mouth tastes like poor choices
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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