Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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