I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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