I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
