out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
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