I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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