we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
