I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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