Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
