If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
