I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
