That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm getting married
To pizza
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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