i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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