using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
