life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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