when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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