I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
