dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
