I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
