is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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