Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
