dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
