i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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