like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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