somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My pussy is not your playground.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
