I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
