I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
