it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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