I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Randomize
