i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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