He is an equal opportunity slut.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
