seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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