so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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