I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
