I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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