i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
