just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
