Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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