guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
