Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
