I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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